Things
I’ve learnt over the Christmas holidays...
A
revolving disco lightbulb is fun for about 30 seconds. Not two weeks. Definitely
not forever. The kids refuse to take it down in their bedroom and its like
going into the Ministry of Sound circa 1997 every time I walk in with a load of
clean washing.
One
child owning a Mi-mic, which not only amplifies their voice, but gives it a B
movie horror film effect is annoying. Both kids having them is fucking
ridiculous. Luckily they have to be charged up. And I’ve hidden the adapters.
A
Christmas CD is just for Christmas. Maybe New Year at a push. But no-one needs
to wake up to the sounds of Happy Xmas (War is Over) at 7am on 5th
Jan. I thought the Black Lace CD was bad, but I’m now missing listening to
Agadoo on repeat. I never thought I’d say that.
There
are a finite number of episodes of Lego Friends on Netflix. I know. I’ve
watched them all at least four times. Seeing a new one fills me with the same
excitement as watching an unfamiliar episode of Friends.
The
period after New Year should be one of winding down and routine. Of getting
back to normal. Of finding places to store presents and discreetly taking old
toys to the charity shop. Booking in to have a loft conversion done two weeks
into January MAY seem like a good idea at the time, but having to then pack up
a lifetimes worth of shit including GCSE books, boxes of letter from
long-forgotten French exchange students, DVDs when you have no DVD player,
videos when NO-ONE has a VHS player, is never going to be relaxing.
Indoor
guinea pigs are noisy. And smelly. And when they have to be relocated into the
front room to make way for all the other shit that has to come down from the
loft, this will involve watching the telly with the constant disruption of squeaking
and rustling. The floor is covered in sawdust and the sofa is littered with tiny hard pellet
poos from where the children have been sitting watching Lego Friends with them
on their laps, feeding them the green parts of their lunches.
Not
to mention the smell. Did I mention the smell? I’M LIVING IN AN INDOOR FARM.
INSET
days on the last Monday of the school holidays are just cruel.
Dry
January is a myth.
So Happy
New Year lovely people. May it be filled with lie ins. Hangover free wine. And
children who repeatedly tell you how eternally grateful they are to have you as their parents.
PS I realise the last time I wrote the blog was when I was whinging about how long summer holidays were.
PPS I vow to write it more often.
PPPS and not just complaining about holidays. Although Easter can be a bit of a ball ache, now I come to think about it...