Thursday 13 December 2018

Panic-buying presents, forgetting Christmas shows and losing your festive mind...

Christmas. A time for giving, for bringing people together, for the simple pleasures, right?

No. It turns out. Actually fucking massive no.

I feel like I’m losing my festive mind.

On a daily basis there’s another thing to remember for the kids.

As I was driving home from a meeting the other day I suddenly recalled they were both meant to be dressed as elves the following morning. I handbreak turned into the nearest gigantic Tesco, and purchased two pairs of Elf pyjamas. Double win. They can seamlessly wear them from day into night.

I was feeling pretty chuffed with myself until I got home to a crestfallen daughter who told me that I’d missed both her ballet and violin performances. I’D ALREADY BEEN TO THE RECEPTION CLASS NATIVITY THAT MORNING, HOW CAN THAT BE??

And then there are the presents. I’ve asked the kids what they want for Christmas, and the list is extensive.

Mainly from Father Christmas.

I’m starting to resent him, the big jolly gift-giving buffoon. He’s going to get all the credit, while the practical presents they’ll receive from us will be, almost definitely, met with shrugs of ‘I never said I wanted that, what does it DO anyway?’ (It’s a microscope. It’s fun AND educational. Like it any better now? No, thought not.)

I’m on first name terms with the delivery guy from Amazon who knocks daily to deliver another panic present I’ve bought at 1am when I suddenly remember another relative we’re due to see that I’ve forgotten to buy something for.

Thing is, by the time Christmas actually arrives, you’re kind of over it already.

See, low level excitement for children starts a good six weeks before the big day AT LEAST. No-one can remain enthusiastic about anything for that length of time.

It starts the first time you hear Jingle Bells in Sainsbury’s. There’s the squeal of anticipation from the children, and a heart sinking feeling from the parents as it’s only fucking November.

Then December 1st comes along and with it, the chocolate advert calendars. Who isn’t going to lose their shit if they’re stuffing their face with chocolate on a daily basis before they’ve even got out of their pyjamas? Ho ho fucking ho.

I’ve bought my Christmas outfit, a silver sequinned mini-dress from a brand waaaaaaaaay too young for me off e-bay. It arrived. I squeezed into it. It turns out sequins are one of the more unforgiving fabrics and I look like an adult bauble.

So. Hang in there. Get that wine mulling. Pour yourself into your snazziest, sparkliest outfit, and try and remember that it’s not about the gifts. It’s not even about family.

It’s about two weeks of not having to shout -brush your teeth, put your uniform on, find your shoes, get your book bag, where are your shoes? Do you want ham or Marmite? What do you mean you’re vegetarian now? Where are your shoes? CAN WE ALL JUST LEAVE THE HOUSE NOW??

So. Merry Christmas. And breathe…

1 comment:

  1. Here are some mind exercises that can boost up memory and Keep your brain as healthy and fit as your body!
    Your morning paper is a great place to start. "Simple games like Sudoku and word games are good, as well as comic strips where you find things that are unlike from one picture to the next," says John E. Morley, MD, director of St. Louis college's Division of Geriatric Medicine and author of The Science of Staying Young. In addition to word games, the following exercises help you to hone your mental skills:
    1. Test your recall. Make a list — of grocery items, things to do, or anything else that comes to mind — and learn it. An hour or so later on, see how many items you can remind. Make items on the listing as tough as likely for the greatest mental prompt.
    2. Let the tune play. Learn to play a tuneful device or join a singers. Lessons show that learning great new and complex over a longer period of time is ideal for the aging mind.
    3. Do math in your head. Form out problems without the aid of pencil, paper, or computer; you can make this more hard — and athletic — by walking at the same time.
    4. Take a cooking class. Learn how to cook a new cuisine. Cooking uses a number of senses: smell, touch, sight, and taste, which all involve unlike parts of the brain.
    5. Learn a foreign language. The listen and hearing involved stimulates the brain. What is more, rich words has been linked to a cheap risk for cognitive refuse.
    6. Create word pictures. Imagine the spelling of a word in your head, then try and think of any other words that begin (or end) with the same two letters.
    7. Draw a map from memory. After recurring home from calling a new place, try to sketch a map of the area; repeat this exercise each time you visit a new location.
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