Tuesday, 26 June 2018

Love Island, lying on the sofa and looking like Laura...

I like to think I’m the kind of person that, given a free evening, would have a bath with essential oils, drink a cup of camomile tea and get stuck into a good book.

I want to be that person.

But…

I have more unread books than you can shake a big stick at piling up on my bedside table.

But mainly...

I've started watching Love Island and I’m now completely hooked.

I feel dirty.

I’m watching a load of impossibly beautiful people who ‘don’t know where their head’s at’ getting off with each other whilst simultaneously being ‘mugged off.’

They don’t even smoke fags this year.

They’re perfect.

I watch it on a nightly basis, lying on the sofa stuffing my face with Malteasers whilst shopping on line for bikinis that are DEFINETELY going to look good on me once I will myself thin like Megan or Laura.

I’m mesmerised.

How can Alex EVER go back to work as a doctor after this?

What would it be like to be introduced to your new girlfriend’s dad, Danny Dyer??

Is it even possible to do it under a 10 tog duvet when you’re being filmed?

At the point I was starting to hate myself a bit, it suddenly happened.

Rosie Williams was about to be evicted.

And instead of berating the women who had made her feel a bit shitty, or the boy who turned out to be a serial liar and broke her heart.

She looks at the women who have created a protective shield around her whilst she wipes her tears and straightens her hair, the friend who shared a bed with her and held her hands as she wept herself to sleep, and said, ‘I came in here to find love, but I didn’t find it in a boy, I found it with all you girls.’

I FOUND IT WITH ALL YOU GIRLS. FUCK YES.

You can stick a load of gorgeous people in a villa. Make them share a bed and strut around in next to nothing, set them all up against each other, and still female friendship can grow. 

BOOM.

PS can someone PLEASE put some suncream on Alex?

PPS can we actually see someone eat a meal?

PPPS do people really get off with each other in the morning without brushing their teeth?


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