OK, so I’m thinking, and it
is ONLY a thought, but maybe, just maybe, I can’t continue to blame baby weight
on the fact that my skinny jeans are so tight they basically cut off the
circulation to my legs.
My children, at 2 and nearly
5, aren’t really babies anymore.
And you don’t hear mothers
talking so much about losing their toddler or nearly-started-school weight.
I have, to, possibly, face
up to the reason that I’m currently sat watching The Bachelorette with my top
button undone is not because I have had two children.
It may have more to do with
the third helping of roast dinner I ate.
Now, in my defense, it was
the children’s leftovers, so, in my head, they doesn’t even count.
I don’t know when I started
eating what the kids leave on top of my own dinner, but I don’t even bother
with a fork now, just stuff it all in my face on the walk to the dishwasher.
I have been on a ‘diet’
since I was about 13. That doesn’t always mean not eating, but always thinking
about not eating even when I’m eating.
But now my ‘diet’ involves
eating an average of six meals a day, at least three of them by mistake.
The thing is, it wouldn’t
really bother me except we are going to France on holiday in 18 days and I
have, for a reason only know to my logical still-awake-at-3am tiny brain, bought
the most gorgeous Boden bikini.
Unfortunately the model on
the website and the reality in the mirror couldn’t be more different.
Now I don’t think I’ve EVER
looked like the Boden woman.
BUT, I can’t even get the
bottoms on at the moment, and the picture of her didn’t involve her wearing a
pair of pants painfully stuck somewhere round her mid-thighs because they
wouldn’t budge any further up.
The problem is, and this
must be the Northerner in me, but I have now had them too long to return them,
so, at an eye-watering forty quid for the set (SERIOUSLY, what happens to your
brain in the middle of the night when a two-year-old has woken you up by
kicking you in the kidneys?) I have decided that I will squeeze into the bikini
if it’s the last thing I do rather than have spent forty smackers in vain.
It’s not going to look
pretty.
Or even comfortable.
But I will get them on.
And at the same time make
sure that there is no photographic evidence.
So I have 18 days to lose
about a stone.
Easy.
The internet told me so.
And my first step is to stop
eating the kids’ tea.
See, it might not be the
weight I carried from pregnancy, but it is child-related weight.
If they ate their tea I wouldn’t have to.
If they ate their tea I wouldn’t have to.
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