Sunday, 10 July 2016

Week 249- leftovers, The Bachelorette and squeezing into a bikini...

OK, so I’m thinking, and it is ONLY a thought, but maybe, just maybe, I can’t continue to blame baby weight on the fact that my skinny jeans are so tight they basically cut off the circulation to my legs.

My children, at 2 and nearly 5, aren’t really babies anymore.

And you don’t hear mothers talking so much about losing their toddler or nearly-started-school weight.

I have, to, possibly, face up to the reason that I’m currently sat watching The Bachelorette with my top button undone is not because I have had two children.

It may have more to do with the third helping of roast dinner I ate.

Now, in my defense, it was the children’s leftovers, so, in my head, they doesn’t even count.

I don’t know when I started eating what the kids leave on top of my own dinner, but I don’t even bother with a fork now, just stuff it all in my face on the walk to the dishwasher.

I have been on a ‘diet’ since I was about 13. That doesn’t always mean not eating, but always thinking about not eating even when I’m eating.

But now my ‘diet’ involves eating an average of six meals a day, at least three of them by mistake.

The thing is, it wouldn’t really bother me except we are going to France on holiday in 18 days and I have, for a reason only know to my logical still-awake-at-3am tiny brain, bought the most gorgeous Boden bikini.

Unfortunately the model on the website and the reality in the mirror couldn’t be more different.

Now I don’t think I’ve EVER looked like the Boden woman.

BUT, I can’t even get the bottoms on at the moment, and the picture of her didn’t involve her wearing a pair of pants painfully stuck somewhere round her mid-thighs because they wouldn’t budge any further up.

The problem is, and this must be the Northerner in me, but I have now had them too long to return them, so, at an eye-watering forty quid for the set (SERIOUSLY, what happens to your brain in the middle of the night when a two-year-old has woken you up by kicking you in the kidneys?) I have decided that I will squeeze into the bikini if it’s the last thing I do rather than have spent forty smackers in vain.

It’s not going to look pretty.

Or even comfortable.

But I will get them on.

And at the same time make sure that there is no photographic evidence.

So I have 18 days to lose about a stone.

Easy.

The internet told me so.

And my first step is to stop eating the kids’ tea.

See, it might not be the weight I carried from pregnancy, but it is child-related weight.

If they ate their tea I wouldn’t have to.

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