My two-year-old son now openly mocks us at bedtime.
I made the cardinal mistake a few weeks ago. I said out loud that I thought bedtimes were going well.
Almost as it slipped out my mouth, the look of horror crept over Ben’s face.
‘What did you say that for?’
‘I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know.’
And as I downed my glass of wine, I could feel everything slowing going to shit.
He now absolutely refuses to go to bed.
I don’t mean that he has a tantrum and then eventually nods off.
He is, 100% non-compliant.
He will close a book mid-story.
Politely respond, ‘no thank you,’ when asked to stop kicking his covers off.
And then just hops out of bed and leaves the room like he’s getting up to have a shower before work.
Yesterday, he sat downing a bottle of milk, legs casually crossed, wearing my sunglasses IN THE DARK. When I asked him if he needed to wear shades in bed, he just pushed them up to rest on the top of his head, before finishing off his drink and leaving the room.
When I do find him, he’s sitting on the sofa, arms folded, requesting Peppa Pig.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME?
He is impervious to being told off.
Non-plussed at threats of having fun things withdrawn.
And generally above any kind of parenting tricks.
Short of lying on him till he gives up the game, I have absolutely no idea what to do.
So, it looks like for the foreseeable future, we have another buddy to sit off with until 10pm.
That will teach me for showing off.