Monday 28 March 2016

Week 235- chocolate, over-eating and elasticated-waisted trousers...

Sorry for the lag of blog this week- I’ve been lying in an Easter egg induced coma, having eaten the majority of my children’s chocolate.

For their own good.

Of course.

So it’s car-crash TV and elasticated-waisted trousers for me this eve.

When did I get so grown-up and glamorous?

And when did The Bachelor get so good?

Is it OK to sleep on the sofa when you can't physically move from over-eating?

And what do I say to my children when they enquire where ANY of their Easter eggs are?


If I wasn't me...

I'd want to be me. 

PS If you enjoy reading my blog, I’d be made up if you could vote for me in the MAD blog awards 2016 in the Best Writer category. The link is here. If you don't- no wozzers*

*Total wozzers. 

Sunday 20 March 2016

Week 234- the MAD blog award nominations have opened...

So- it’s that time of year again- The MAD blog award nominations.

I started writing this blog in 2011 not long after I gave birth to my daughter, Nancy.

I don’t know whether she’s going to look back on it when she’s older and think it’s a totally brill thing, an insight into her early years and how her mum adjusted to having a tiny baby.

Or she’s going to kill me when she realises I’ve documented when she shit-kicked me in the face.

Or how I still piss myself now when I sneeze.

Or how utterly terrified I was when she was born.

How scared I was to be in charge of a brand new life.

And how immediately and fiercely I loved her.

And now she has a little brother, Thomas, who is a completely different child.

Who challenges me everyday.

Who draws all over his grandparent’s white sofa with a black permanent marker.

But who can get away with murder when he gives you a face-grabbing, snot-rubbing, smacker on the lips.

And how I can only ever think of the two of them as my team.

Because if I think I have two children it feels so unbelievably grown up- like someone else’s life.

Thanks so much for reading my blog.

If you enjoy it, I’d be made up if you could vote for me in the MAD blog awards in the Best Writer category. The link is here.

And tell your mates too- because it’s all about the votes.

Massively big thanks in advance.

Sunday 13 March 2016

Week 233- beeling, having a mardy and everything being reet...

So, I think I’ve given birth to a Southerner.

I’m not sure how this has happened.

From the word go, I have coached my daughter to say ‘bath’ instead of ‘baaaath’.

‘Grass’ instead of ‘graaaass.’

But, today we had the tea/ dinner debate.

I told her we were going to a friend’s house for tea.

And she looked me directly in the eye and told me I’d got it wrong.

‘No mummy, it’s not tea. We’re going for dinner. ‘

Next she’ll be telling me she doesn’t know what ‘mardy’ means.

Or will look blankly when someone’s having a good old cry and we tell them to ‘stop beeling.’


There’s nothing left for it.

We need to get Granda down to stay for the weekend, flat cap and all.

That’ll set her reet.

Sunday 6 March 2016

Week 232- Happy Mother's Day brilliant women...

Happy Mothers Day!

Here’s to all the brilliant women in our lives.

Those who gave birth to us.

Those who care for us.

Those who make us laugh when we’ve had two hours sleep and have run out off coffee.

Here’s to our female friends who pick us up when we’re having a shit day.

To the collective of women we surround ourselves with.

Our safety nets.

Our support networks.

Our consciences.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing women I know.

You’re fucking incredible.