I have spent the last four days squeezing my 20-month-old son's cheeks every five minutes to check he's not chewing on a Lego brick, only for a long, gooey, string of chocolatey spit to spill from his mouth.
It turns out children who do not eat sweets regularly will virtually inhale anything sugary, given the opportunity.
The purple Quality Street with a nut in the middle.
The gold toffee penny that pulls out fillings and takes the best part of a week to finish.
Half chewed jelly tots that have been left under the kitchen table for an undisclosed number of days.
Glacier cherries from the top of an, as yet, uneaten Christmas cake.
Icing off the same cake.
A selection of pudding spoons covered in custard that have been used by a variety of people and left on the worktop waiting to be washed up.
The list is exhausting.
We're all starting to have a bit of a beige pallor.
So, next year it's going to be different.
I'm going to learn how to cook superfoods.
I'm going to drink eight glasses of water instead of wine a day.
And it all starts here, with such a healthy online shop that Tesco is going to think my account has been hacked.
But first I'm going to help the kids eat all the chocolates off the tree.