Is it just me, or does anyone else think James Bond is an employment tribunal waiting to happen?
I’ve no idea what the actual job description for a 00 spy would be, but surely getting off with anyone with a pulse is not on the essentials list.
Seriously, how are they still making these films?
I really wanted to love it, I really did.
Daniel Craig is super hot and I’d gone to the cinema that sells booze so this was a double win; I just wanted to get a bit pissed in the dark and enjoy a childfree night.
But from the moment it started, I just felt massively creeped out by Bond.
He’s all, ‘don’t shit it, I’ll save you, but while I’m here I’m going to whip your dress off and shag you. Don’t worry though, it’s OK, I’ve been doing this since the 70s.’
It’s just not on.
What happens if you don’t want to pump him? Does he leave you strapped to an office chair with a bomb gaffer-taped to you while he storms off in a huff with a semi-on?
He just made me feel mega uncomfortable from the get go.
It’s not cos I’m a prude, don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of on-screen sex as much as the next person.
I’ve watched Eyes Wide Shut three times for fucks sake.
But let’s get a bit of perspective here; it is 2015 after all.
James Bond is a spy.
A fascinating job, granted, but his responsibility is national security. He enjoys international travel, a limitless expenses budget and gets to drive eye-wateringly fast cars.
All in all he’s got a pretty sweet number.
But instead of just cracking on with the job in hand, of just being the best spy he can possibly be, he massively abuses his position.
He preys on vulnerable women who have, for example, recently been widowed, and whilst the right hand is shooting hit men who are hiding behind your curtains, the left hand is expertly unzipping your dress and pinning you against the wall.
Good for you James. Good for you and your over-active libido.
But not at work. Not when the taxpayers are bank-rolling you.
Pump on your own time Bond.
But whilst you're clocked on, just do your actual job.
You don't see Jeremy Corbyn nipping off to the loos for a quick hand job between the hours of 9am- 5pm, do you?
Be a professional James, otherwise you're just a really well paid sex pest.