We’ve found a shit in the
middle of our sitting room floor.
A human shit.
Produced by my 17-month-old
feral son.
He has recently learnt how
to take off both his trousers and nappy, and within moments of getting through
the front door will have whipped both off and is running around au
naturel from the waist downwards.
Now, I don’t want to start
being all Monsieur Prudish at home.
I like being naked as much
as the next person, (unless I’m sitting next to Yoko Ono or Katie Price for
example, they probably like it more,) and I want my kids to be comfortable with
their bodies, of course I do.
I want them to see us with
no clothes on so they grow up not feeling self-conscious.
I want them to feel happy
and free, whatever shape and size they grow into.
I do not, however, want
them to shit on the floor.
I know all the baby books
say it takes about three weeks to grow out of a phase, but I’m putting a
24-hour deadline on this one.
And as the only word my son
says at the moment is ‘cheers’; I don’t think this is going to be a sit down
and explain scenario. (Unless it was over a beer, then his response would be perfect.)
No, I will just have to
dress him in seriously complicated outfits. All zips, buttons and braces so he
will never be able to take an item of clothing off again without assistance.
This is going to be the
trouser equivalent to Fort Knox.
Because I’m not a house-proud
woman.
But I have a line.
And a poo on the floor has
just crossed it.
Is is not Madame or Mademoiselle Prudish?
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