The thing is, I thought I might have been able to get into at least one pair of trousers that I wore pre-pregnancy by now just through the power of positive thinking.
But alas, no.
Actually that’s not entirely true.
I have a pair of denim cut-off jeans circa 1993 that I can just about squeeze into, which are so awful even the Goss twins would think twice about wearing them. They’re so low-slung that I only need to bend over very slightly and I have a total builder’s behind.
Not ideal, but at least they’re not maternity jeans.
I feel a little like I’ve been holding my breath, waiting for this miraculous body transformation to just happen. And then I can start wearing all the titchy clothes I bid for on e-bay in the middle of the night while feeding my son.
Part of the problem is that I know that you burn off more calories when breastfeeding, but I can’t remember how many, so I’ve just rounded it up to the nearest thousand.
I think I got into bad eating habits during pregnancy, because a part of me thought ‘I’ve spent the majority of my adult life being conscious of what I’m eating, developing a slightly unhealthy relationship with food- so here was the chance to have nine months of eating whatever I want, bar a few soft cheeses.’
And I rose to the challenge with the enthusiasm of a two-year-old girl watching Frozen for the hundredth time.
Sadly those bi-hourly Twirls I inhaled for the best part of forty weeks are a bit tougher to shift at the other end.
It’s normally during the 2am feed that I have a moment of inspiration and start Googling mother-and-baby aerobic classes. There have been mornings when I have had at least three emails from personal trainers responding to my enquiries.
But then there’s always a reason to talk myself out of it. The weather’s been totally Biblical recently, so there’s no way I’m traipsing off to the park with a buggy to do plunges in a tropical storm.
And then there’s the Monday excuse. There’s no point in starting anything until Monday. Diets. Exercise. Financial planning. Anything, really.
So it only takes one mid-week rogue ginger biscuit and I think, ‘Right, that’s this week’s healthy living out the window. But next Monday, I’m going to totally nail it.’
With all that it mind, I’ve recently turned my e-bay attention to fitness videos. I figured, if I can’t make it the 100 yards to the local park to join an exercise class, then I should attempt to do it in the front room instead.
I currently have two DVDs, and another coming soon in the post. The 30 Day Shred looks so terrifying I haven’t even taken the cellophane off yet.
I’ve also downloaded a range of apps that suggest different routines and ask you to submit your daily calorie intake and weekly weight.
I’ve done this religiously. Logging all the runs I planned to go on, but didn’t, and imaginary carb-free dinners I would have cooked if I’d had the time.
In a virtual fitness world, I’m totally on fire at the moment.
In fact according to My Fitness Pal I’ve lost 10 % of my body weight in the last two weeks.
I just need to transfer some of this into real life, but for the moment, well done to the virtual me!