Sunday, 11 May 2014

Week 138- pukes, poos and losing patience...

I can't work out how you get anything done with two children. 

Now, I don't think I've been setting myself unrealistic goals. 

It's mainly stuff like: brush your teeth, eat more than a mouthful of cornflakes, hang out the washing. 

That kind of thing.

But it's a miracle if I've got everyone including myself dressed by 11am. 

Well that's not strictly true. 

I can get everyone dressed, it's just if someone pukes, or worse, down said outfit, then we're back to square one.

In the words of Paula Abdul, it's 'two steps forward and two steps back'.

This isn't helped by having a baby who feeds for HOURS on end. It's a bit like being under house arrest, being pinned to the sofa by a two-week-old baby.

But it's when the two-year-old starts to understandably lose patience after a while that the whole thing goes to pot. 

I'm firing instructions at her from the settee without really being able to do anything about it, as she slowly wrecks the flat. 
'Please don't pour milk on the carpet.' 
'The CDs won't fit in the DVD player.'
'Don't try and put Thomas's trousers on, they're too small.' Etc etc.

When the baby eventually goes to sleep I try and make chores into a game for her, but I'm not fooling anyone. Hoovering the front room is never going to be a laugh, even if you pretend the vacuum's a monster. 

But the other day we managed to all get out of the house together. 

Literally out of the house, mind. 

I'd just slammed the front door, before we had to do a 180 and go back in. 

There was the now-familiar sound of an almighty explosion from Thomas's nappy. 

An all-up-the-back job. 

So, that's everyone out of the pram and back into the flat. A change of clothes, and we're ready to go again. 

But, predictably, my daughter then needs the loo, which involves me sitting on a small step opposite her potty offering words of encouragement.

Half an hour, three bowel movements, two outfit changes and a major meltdown later, and we're ready to go out again. So at the crack of eleven thirty, I have managed to get outside with two children. 

If I can shave a few minutes off my personal best each day, I might be able to get into town in time for work when my maternity leave comes to an end next January.

* My blog has been shortlisted for the Britmums Brilliance in Blogging award in the LAUGH category. The shortlist is 16 blogs and it is now down to the public vote to get it down to the six finalists.  
The link is:  the LAUGH category is question 13, and my blog is ‘You can take her home now...’ if you fancy voting for it. DEADLINE- 16 MAY. 


  1. This is a familiar story. Sounds as though you have a similar age gap as that between my two....hours and hours of CBeebies saw us through this stage. Hang on in there, it will get easier!

  2. I think it's going to be CBeebies for the next few weeks/ months! x