So I said to her, ‘wowzers, have you always been that size, or is this because you ate loads over Christmas?’
And then, just to make sure that it was actually fat and not that she was wearing a lot of clothes to give the impression of being quite big, I touched her stomach, with both hands, for good measure.
No.
Of
course I didn’t.
That would
be the most OUTRAGOUS thing to do.
Not only would it make the woman feel massively self-conscious, as well as be the most fucking rude, judgemental thing you
could ever say to someone.
It would also be violating someone’s personal
space by touching them uninvited.
SO WHY
IS IT OK TO DO IT TO A PREGNANT WOMAN?
I’m a
tactile person.
I know I squash my face against other people’s when I hug them.
I kiss people on first meeting, on the cheek of course, no tongues.
And I squeeze arms a lot.
But
this is, generally, to people I feel I have a connection with.
I absolutely
would never touch another woman’s stomach without being asked to do so.
So why
do total strangers think it’s acceptable to touch my pregnant stomach when I’m
walking down the high street with a plastic bag in each hand so I don’t even
have a free arm to swipe them away?
‘When’s
it due?’ the woman who’d made a beeline for me outside Tesco Express asked.
‘Mid
April,’ I reply, with my, ‘get your hands off me before I snap them off’ glare
on.
‘Wow!
You’re huge! Are you sure there’s just
one in there?’
‘Yes I am. I was clinically obese before I
fell pregnant so that accounts for my massive size.’
I didn’t
say that.
Course
I didn’t.
I kind of shook my head at her in a disapproving
school teacher way. Side stepped, as she was still touching my tummy, and
struggled on with the bags of comfort food and Gaviscon.
I wish
I’d said that. Or something even cleverer. But I can’t remember my own age at
the moment, so cutting retorts are deffo out.
I just
don’t see how growing a baby makes your body up for public scrutiny.
If you
saw someone come out of a plastic surgery clinic, you wouldn’t head straight
for them, squeeze their tits, and tell them how real they felt, would you?
Or grab
your mate’s boyfriend’s crotch to check he was as endowed as she told you in secret
he was?
Course
you wouldn’t.
Cos you’d end up on some
kind of register if you went around doing that.
I’m
half tempted to wear a T shirt that says, ‘Before you ask... It’s a boy. It’s due
mid April. No I’m not having twins. Yes I look big. Touch me and I will bite
you.’
But I’m
not sure how well that would go down at work.
So
instead, I just have to be super vigilant and on the lookout for those who seem
the type to make intrusive baby talk.
And if
strangers do try and touch me, maybe I will retaliate with the boob/ crotch
grab.
See how that goes down.
It is so frustrating isn't it. I hated strangers asking me when I was pregnant. Thankfully no one tried touching me otherwise they may have got a right hook!
ReplyDeleteThis one was the toughest..... I mean, Why oh why should I tell dozen of total strangers a day all the personal info? I did not have guts to tell them off and I regreted it three seconds later, it is Just So Bloody Unpolite, how people cannot get it? It drove me nuts all the time, at one point I almost told one sales person that her job is to scan my underware and all the personal details I prefer to discuss with my midwife... Crazy people...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGosh, I was so scared when I started reading! Like 'no way someone can be that rude!' Glad it was just an illustration of inappropriate behavior. Because I was ready to post about you in my customessaydeal.com blog already)) And yes, I hate when someone touches me without permission, too. It's gross
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