Sunday 28 April 2013

Week 86- high heels, self-confidence and thinking about joining the gym

I spotted Nancy in my bedroom looking at herself in the full length mirror, wearing my high heels, having draped one of my bras round her neck like a pashmina.  

She was saying, ‘hello Nashy,’ to her reflection.
And I got a flash of the future.

Not her wearing underwear as outerwear. Although that was unnecessarily fashionable for a time.

But more a snapshot of her as a girl. Not a toddler.

It brought home to me how I need to watch what I’m doing, as well as saying. Because absolutely everything goes in.
I’ve curbed the swearing around her since she started parroting ‘shit’ back to me.

In fact, I’m in search of a good non-sweary word to replace it that doesn’t make me feel like I’m an 18th Century Lady of a Manor every time I stub my toe.
But Nancy watches me getting dressed, and tries to copy.

She sees me on the computer, then climbs up onto the seat and starts hitting all the keys. She’s stumbled across shortcuts I didn’t realise existed, and I’ve had a nightmare trying to Google how to turn the screen to normal when Nancy’s managed to rotate it 180 degrees.
She picks up my mobile and holds it to her ear, chatting away.

And I have seen her rub her tummy, like I do.
Except she’s imitating me.

Where as I do it self-consciously, wishing I was slimmer, but not doing anything practical about it.
So it’s all changing.

It’s positive reinforcement all the way.
I’m brushing off the bobbly leggings. The sports bra is making a comeback. I know I’ve seen the other minging off white running sock lurking around somewhere.

After 19 months of trying to squeeze into my old jeans, I’ve made a decision.
I’m going to enquire about joining the gym.

It’s the first step.
And then I’ll think about joining it.

That’s step two.

We tell Nancy she is beautiful on a daily basis.
And I want her to believe it.
To feel self-confident, and know she can achieve anything.
And as I am the woman in her life that she, fingers crossed, looks up to. And will continue to do so until she finds me too embarrassing and out of touch, I need to set an example.  

So it's time to take the plunge and stop talking about getting fit and just do it.
And if I’m going to pull off the high heels/ bra on my head look of summer 2013, I need to learn how to use a treadmill properly.

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