Monday, 30 January 2012

Week 21- damson vodka, stretch marks and Kerry Katona

I've  had my first official hangover for more than a year, wow, I haven't missed you old friend. We had mates over for dinner, the wine had run out and I remembered a bottle of damson vodka we'd made a couple of years ago using damsons from the allotment, so that somehow made it OK. I only had a glass of wine and a taste of the damson vodka just to see how it'd turned out as I had made it, after all, and followed it up with about a 17 pints of water chaser, but that is all it seems to take now. Gone are the days of a mid week after work drink turning into three bottles of wine, a packet of crisps and roasted peanuts tea, and still feel reasonably OK the next day.

This was unluckily timed for the exact point that Nancy's sleep pattern changed, not only returning to the waking twice in the night for a massive dehydrating feed, but added to that, the total wide awake club, and wanting to be played with. A throbbing head is one thing when you've got to get dressed and get on the bus in time, but a completely different world when you have a little person smiling up at you.

And the next day was off to a duff start as I mistook the nail varnish remover for Bio Oil as the bottles are the same shape and only realised after the strong smell started to make me feel nauseous moments before I rubbed it into my stretch marks.

But on the plus side, we've got into a bit of a 'routine' if you can call it that. It's funny how you can make what is definitely a leisure activity into a job when you're looking for some structure to your day. 'Yep we've got quite a lot on today as well, we're going to the cinema, then meeting Lucinda and Daisy for a coffee, then I thought I'd walk down to the beach so Nancy can get some sea air.' If you say it with enough conviction you can make it sound a little bit like that's your work agenda when actually you're hanging out with your mates and eating ice cream on the beach for a job.

So, Monday's 'job' now is going to mother and baby yoga with Ulrika and Ebba. We meet them outside the holistic health centre. We're all predictably late as both the girls have gone through an Oscars style number of outfit changes already due to pooing/ weeing everywhere moments before leaving our flats. And in the rush to get down there I'd jiggled Nancy about so much she'd been sick down herself and all down me as I had her strapped to my front.

Ulrika spent the majority of the 50 minutes feeding Ebba while 'omming' with the rest of the group, while I attempted to do the downward dog over Nancy and 'shower her with kisses' while trying not to breath through my nose and inhale the sickly milky smell coming from mine and her tops.

I think it's the first time since having Nancy I'd considered what having a baby does to your body. Not just the worry that your boobs will forever feel like half filled water balloons or you'll continue to wee yourself a bit when laughing too hard (or 'lady tears' as Kerry Katonia calls it) but the other stuff. Higher estrogen levels during pregnancy make you more apt to carry weight on your hips and thighs afterward. You basically carry saddle bags of fat in case you become famished and need back up to feed your baby, which seems a bit unfair as the last thing you feel/look post baby is starving.

Apparently your feet can get fatter as well, possibly because looser ligaments and extra fluid can cause them to permanently expand. During pregnancy, hair grows faster and thicker, but when estrogen levels drop after birth, you lose the excess hair you’ve accumulated as I've experienced, and now spend a bit of time everyday picking balls of it up from corners of the  flat, down the plug hole or clutched in Nancy's hands. The changes are bonkers, and that's before you've even considered the emotional side of it all.

So the 'baby' part of the mother and baby yoga was a bit tenuous. We sang wheels on the bus while wiggling their legs around, mind you it must have got something moving, because as the woman embarked on the best bit of a yoga class, where you lie down with your eyes closed as she takes you through meadows, round lakes, and up beautiful mountains, I was cleaning up the second epic poo of the day.

Phew. That's Monday's jobs out the way now. Just have to prepare for a busy Tuesday of  filling up the Ecover washing up liquid bottle at the health food shop at the bottom of the road, followed by singing nursery rhymes in a community centre run by a woman in primary colours and a madonna headset. What with the pictures on Wednesday, and hanging around the library on Thursday, this is shaping up to be a tremendously busy week.

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